PLEASE CHEAT... IT'S EXPECTED OF YOU

“Life is short. Have an affair.” is the motto that greets every individual that visit’s a particular online dating website. This particular dating service focuses on married individuals and they claim to have more than 4.5 million members; which would indicate that cheating is becoming more of an accepted practice among marriages in this country. We live in a society that promotes infidelity and we are constantly bombarded by images of affairs. Most of us know the sordid details of Presidential hopeful, John Edwards or late night show host, David Letterman. We even look back on and admire the 25 year love affair of Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn along with the tryst of John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe. We watched in anticipation, as the marriage of Prince Charles and Lady Diana fell into shambles as both parties admitted to extramarital affairs. We thrive on the tabloid scandals of our celebrities time and time again until it comes to a point where it’s almost expected of them to cheat. And that’s where the real threat begins. When our expectations is for our icons and celebrities to commit adulterous affairs then the consequences of our pop culture driven society usually begins to imitate art. Now I am not placing blame on pop culture or celebrity because I do believe that most people know the difference between right and wrong, and I do believe that when a choice is made, it’s usually a choice that a person wants to make. I do believe however, that we thrive to be our own exciting story and when we see these things happening in the media and celebrity world, then a cycle begins that can rarely be broken.
Growing up we’re told by our parents that one of the things we do in life is to get married and live happily ever after which is one of the biggest lies that we are unable to cope with as adults. We’re never told as children how difficult it is to sustain a marriage and what’s worst is how warped our ideology about marriage is. I don’t think we are clearly taught about the obligations of marriage. We tend to thrive for all the glitter and ignore the base of reality. We live for the wedding and the dress of the bride and ignore the waking up to bad breath and moody nights. So what happens to us when the glitter fades and reality sets in? What options are presented to us? Apparently one option now is to go online and for a small fee, you can get hooked up with other married men and women who are looking for a little action on the side as well. I worry about the consequences that these online options might have on society and the continuing decline of the type of marriage that is a monogamous union.
I don’t have the desire to ever marry again and I can seriously say right now that I doubt that the opportunity of marriage will ever present itself to me. I look to the couples in my life and I see so many of them that are unhappy or “trapped” and so many others that I know that either one or the other is cheating. I think these online dating services are taking advantage of that “trapped” feeling that these individuals might be experiencing. I also have my doubts that I have enough character and strength to commit myself to one person and I don’t ever want to be the reason why my possible marriage would fail. I don’t want to be the person that pays a small fee to cheat. I don’t want to be anything like my adoptive father, who cheated on my mother several times throughout their marriage and I don’t think I could handle the shame of something like that. Now that my opposition to marriage is clearly stated I want to share what I think a marriage that I would be in would be like.
If I ever decided to marry another individual, (again… highly… and I do mean highly unlikely) I would seriously have to be in love. I will say now that I don’t think I have ever been in love… I have loved to a certain level but never to the point where I thought my boyfriend/girlfriend was the one I would be with the rest of my life. I would have to feel comfortable with my character, with the trust I have with this individual, and most importantly my commitment to the relationship and the responsibilities that are included. We would have to have total communication and the ability to express ourselves in any situation that might arise before us. I would have expectations on the marriage that neither one of us would cheat, that we would never bring in another person to join us in sexual games, and that we would always work together as a team even on those dark days when we want nothing to do with each other. I expect both of us to love ourselves as much as we love each other and to always respect each other like we respect ourselves.
Those are my expectations about marriage, as influenced by Christian morality they are, and I will not relent any of those values. That is most likely why these values feed into my opposition into getting married because deep down inside of me is that fear that I would not live up to my own expectations and everything would fall apart. Plus the value and freedom that comes with single hood is so enticing that I don’t think I would want to go without it. There’s that part of me that likes going out to have a random fuck or to fool around with friends on a drunken night. There’s that part of me that doesn’t want to hear the voice of another person in my bed the next morning. There’s that part of me that doesn’t want the responsibility of caring about another person that would interfere with my daily activities. Sometimes I just enjoy being in a self centered bubble.
So my back and forth on the issues of marriage might continue to swing or I might actually one day decide to either go one way or another but this will remain the same: I do not understand any organization that would promote cheating in a marriage. For those people that have open marriages and both parties are aware of activities outside of the marriage then more power to you. If a marriage decides to invite a third individual into their bedroom for sexual liaisons then you have my total support, (heck I even know a couple of marriages that I would love to be a boy toy in). I understand the whole concept that there are different kinds of marriages and I have respect for them all. I just have a distaste for organizations, the media, and pop culture that promote the breaking of trust. And that is what every kind of marriage comes down too… Trust.


After I wrote “Please Cheat… It’s Expected of You”, I realized that I have been in a situation where I was “the other man” and I was the catalyst for the breaking down of another relationship. There might be individuals that label me a hypocrite for the values that I would have on my own marriage while my values in other areas of my life might be lacking. The only thing I can say is: I’m a work-in-progress. I think that we all need to realize how complicated we are as human beings. We have so many ideologies within us and sometimes they do conflict with each other… the most important thing is that we recognize our own conflicted differences inside ourselves and give each of them the proper respect that they deserve. I don’t ever mean to hurt other people and I totally realize that good people sometimes cheat. I will throw it out there right now that I have even cheated in a relationship while I proclaim that I hate cheaters! So for all the cheaters out there that have failed in their relationships… I stand among you learning a very difficult lesson.