THE JUDAS TREE

Late one night after a long shift I went out to dinner with two buddies of mine. One of which has a solid Christian background while the other is more of an individualist. Our conversation was ranging from everything from sex and girls to God and country with a few side notes in-between. One of the topics that kind of touched a nerve with me was suicide, a topic that makes me very uncomfortable and it’s something that I always trend carefully around. I’ve had someone that I care about very much contemplate suicide and almost decide to do it before someone intervened quite by accident. Thankfully, that person is still with us and hopefully he realizes how much he enriches those around him everyday.
The Christian was actually talking about God and religion when he made a comment that there were only two deadly sins. I asked him wondering what he thought these sins were and he replied by telling me that blasphemy against God and the act of suicide were the sins that we should fear most. Knowing the answer already, I asked the Christian what happens to you if you commit suicide and he said that the act itself was unforgivable and that the individual would go to hell. He added that prayer might help them but he wasn’t sure if that in itself could do something to change their fate. I instantly felt burning and redness bubbling up underneath my flesh.
The Anger that had exploded inside of me wanted my body to leap across the table and strangle some sense in this person. The fact that anyone could believe that someone that commits suicide would eternally burn in a place of damnation just seems ridiculous to me. My first reaction is that these individuals that think this way are filled with stupidity, ignorance and naïve backwoods ideology. I seriously had to pause and get myself together to act gentlemanly to the Christian that was sitting across from me because he wasn’t any of these things… he is a friend that has his own opinions and beliefs, and that, in itself, is a human right. So I collected myself and responded on why I believe that suicide does not lead anyone to hell… that the complexities of human emotion are far more complicated then the black and white and good and evil that most people can only see.
Mental illness is a disease that plagues so many individuals and many of these people are unable to rationally or logically think through their actions because they are unable to process these things. The brain biologically or chemically does not allow it and I personally believe mental illness prohibits the soul from fully connecting with the physical body. This lack of connection between the soul and the body is not the individual’s fault and can only be explained through genetics and environment. It is purely an accident by nature and it is something that many people are born with and are unable to control.
Suicide is never a rational option therefore it’s a decision that is always made by someone that is not seeing the logic behind the act. I firmly believe that anyone that is in a place in their lives, where they are surrounded by darkness, and are unable to see anything beyond the shadows of doubt, is being plagued by mental illness. They are ill and the soul is not responsible for their inability to see light. The brain is preventing the soul from seeing any viable options that could lead them out of these burdens and therefore they should not be judged by religious rhetoric.
I believe in a compassionate and loving God. I believe in the energy that binds us together as humans and I believe in the energy that binds us to everything around us. I believe in universal law and I know that everything around me is connected to me Therefore, I will not entertain the notion that there is a God that would send anyone to hell because they committed suicide. I know in my heart that these individuals are suffering from mental illness and I know this to be true because I know what my heart says is true.
I don’t know if the Christian took anything I said to heart and I don’t know if he will ever change his stance on suicide but I do hope that he heard what I had to say and perhaps my words could become a catalyst for change even if that change is small and minor. I always believe that there is common ground between two conflicting ideologies and it’s always my hope that with friendly debate and conversation, we can learn from each other which will eventually lead to experience in knowledge. It’s that shared knowledge that might allow us to find a common place to stand together.