POPTARTS

The funny thing about friends is a lot of times they act the same way in your dreams as they do in real life. Your dreams can be a true reflection on their personality and how important they are to you as people. I dream a lot about the people that I love and every dream is an indication on where my relationship stands with them. I fell asleep one night and instantly landed on my feet in my dreamland where Nora and I were packing our bags and getting ready for Fat Camp.
I’ve been on a huge health kick in the months prior and had lost almost fifty pounds since when all of a sudden I found myself heading to Fat Camp with Nora. I was in a hurry and I knew that I was excited that I was going to lose weight even though realistically speaking I knew that I wasn’t fat anymore. I think perhaps I was more excited that Nora was coming along with me and she was going to take care of herself as well. I watched as she continued to pack her things in her suitcases and soon afterwards we were on a big yellow school bus heading out to the wilderness to free ourselves from the confounds of fatty tissues.
Upon our arrival, we were greeted by camp counselors who were all abnormally skinny with huge heads wearing blue vintage t-shirts that simply stated “Fat Camp”. Each of them explained to us how they all use to weigh hundreds of pounds and they had lost it all by spending their summers here at the camp. I smiled at their accomplishment even though personally I thought they all had a dash of bulimia with a hint of anorexia. I turned back to Nora to tell her my inner thoughts when I became mortified by the actions that she was doing behind my back.
She was stuffing an oversized, brown sugar poptart into her mouth, pieces of which were falling all over the front of her navy blue shirt. She was like a robotic food processor, crunching down one poptart after another while the cheerleaders of Fat Camp welcomed us into their fold. I quickly turned back to our greeters and made a step to the right blocking their view of Nora’s catastrophic fall just two minutes into our fat camp experience. I could feel the redness in my face as the counselors showed us to our bunk beds in the log dormitory. They continued to talk to me about the daily activities here at Fat Camp but I had a hard time hearing anything they were saying due to the loud crunching of poptarts in Nora’s ever grinding mouth.
As soon as they left I turned around on Nora and started screaming at her about the amount of poptarts she had engulfed in the short time we had been there. I opened her suitcase to discovered that she hadn’t packed any clothes but rather every flavor and color of poptart that was currently in production. I looked up at her and asked her why she didn’t pack any clothes and she simple smiled and put another poptart into her mouth. I would be stuck looking at her blue navy t-shirt sparkling with crumbs for the rest of the summer.
The next day, we started our daily activities by taking a canoeing trip down the river. I was having a hard time maneuvering our canoe due to the fact that I was the only one handing the paddles. Nora had left her paddles back on the shoreline due to the fact that she had one poptart in each hand and a third poptart in her mouth. I noticed this time she was swallowing the poptart whole like a python snake which gave her un-human like qualities. I was in fear that her head was going to start bobbing back and forth and she would vomit back the poptart just to eat it again. The only relieve I found on this trip was that the constant crunching had come to a halt due to her new form of eating.
I wondered during my archery session why the counselors hadn’t said anything to Nora about her apparent semi sexual addiction to poptarts. I glanced back at her wanting to aim my bow at the sugar filled beast for I could feel the jealousy mounting within me. I felt that I hadn’t eaten for days and my head was becoming bigger as my body was becoming pencil thin. I was becoming more and more like the counselors of the camp and I found myself taking on their characteristics. Was this going to be my future? Am I the one going to have a big head on a stick welcoming fat people to Fat Ass Camp? I felt my heart begin to race as I opened my eyes in the safety of my bed.
Fat Camp had just been a dream and Nora wasn’t the navy blue t-shirt bitch who was constantly tormenting me with poptarts. I told Nora about the dream latter that day as she laughed, the ironic thing being that she doesn’t even like poptarts. Another thing about Nora which I think the dream indicated is that she really doesn’t care about what people think of her. She’s completely happy with herself. She indulges in things that she enjoys for her philosophy is that we only live one life so why limit ourselves. I respect her for that.
I do care about my body, I’ve work hard to look the way I do and that’s not going to change because I feel that if anyone is ever going to love me, I’m going to have to love and respect myself first. I still have along way to go but it’s a process that I feel very comfortable with and it makes me more confident that I can accomplish anything especially when I have control over my body and my actions. So I work hard, and I exercise and eat healthy but Nora also opens a doorway to balance. She’s the one that shows me that I don’t always have to restrict myself and that I should take time out to enjoy things. I stopped by a gas station and bought a strawberry poptart on my way home that night. I secretly enjoyed it in my car as I devoured both of them in the package. The indulgence was breathtaking and I cherished each bite of the frosty treat. I could enjoy this moment because I was in control of this moment. Afterwards, I went on a two mile jog to counter my indulgence but at least Nora showed me that I can indulge so I won’t ever become one of those freaks with a pencil body and a big freaking head.