I had just started working at a fast food restaurant where I met my very charismatic coworker. I was out in the lobby, mopping the floor on my first night, when I glanced up and saw him staring at me from the other side of the front counter. Smiling, he looked away to focus on his own task while a whirlwind of jittery thoughts began to circle in my head.My relationship with a circus clown had ended just a couple of months before and this was the first time I realized any other individual taking an interest in me since that turbulent relationship had ended. The glow in this individual’s eyes immediately had me drawn to him and I flirted with the possibility that perhaps I was ready to begin another relationship. Heck, it took the circus clown a mere two days to capture his next victim; I figured two months was more than enough time to get over that disaster and start again. I smiled to myself wondering if I should attempt to be flirtatious and see what would come of it.
My thought process was quickly interrupted however, when the coworker had quietly come around the counter and greeted me. I jumped, for I hadn’t noticed any of his movements and I realized I had not been paying much attention to the environment around me and instead just swimming in the daydreams of my head. “Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the coworker laughed as I attempted to gain control of myself from the embarrassment of being caught off guard. “I was wondering if I could ask you a personal question?”
I’m really never sure on how I feel when someone comes up to me, wanting to ask a personal question. The topic could always range from something that is very trivial and mundane to something that is more intimate and overwhelming. Desperately not wanting to be drawn into his dark eyes I simply replied, “sure”, and continued to focus my attention on mopping the floor.
“Well, I heard that you were bisexual and I was wondering how you knew that?” I looked up to him again and simply smiled. It was at this moment that I knew that he was rather debating the topic of who he was in his head. “Well,” I started trying to find the right words. “It’s just I usually find myself attracted to certain individuals. I think I’m mostly attracted to guys but there are girls that I’m very attracted too as well. To me, it’s not about anyone having a dick or anything like that. It’s more of who the person is on the inside and how they appeal to me. That usually overrides their sex and everything else, pretty much flows from there.”
“I think I could be at least bisexual…” was his dynamic response. “Perhaps we can hang out sometime?” I politely told him that would be awesome and we went back to doing our jobs as we closed the restaurant for the night.
A week later, we were in his car, parked in the restaurant parking lot making out. We had just closed the restaurant again and we were covered by the shadows of the night. “I have to get going, do you think you can get me off in the next five minutes?” I looked up at him with a devious smirk, “I can get you off in four minutes.” was my reply. Four minutes later he had cum and the make out session had ended as quickly as it had begun. I climbed out of his car and got into mine and he drove home as did I. This nightly rendezvous continued over the next six weeks as we enjoyed each other in very brief moments. The sexual tension between us at work was becoming very overwhelming and we tended to ignore each other while we were on the clock. If anything, this kept us from lunging at each other. We even tried to pretend that we didn’t like each other by giving each other dirty looks at work. Most people thought this to be true at the time. I was never able to go to his home and stay the night with him because he had told me he was living with his mom and grandmother and they didn’t know about his sexuality. This was a situation that I totally understood and I didn’t want to interfere in any family matters.
Meanwhile, I began making more friends at the restaurant and I began to feel more like myself again after walking the tight rope with the circus clown for so long. One particular day, I was chatting with a girl with beautiful eyes. We had worked several shifts together and we always joked around with one another. She was a lovely girl, very spirited, but shy and her smile gave a kind of angelic glow to her face. She was taking orders in drive thru one day and I saw her massaging her stomach area. The expression on her face seemed to be that she was a little in distressed. I approached her and asked her if she was doing okay and she replied that she was fine and that the baby was just acting up today.
“BABY! Your Pregnant?” I said in astonishment! She laughed at my reaction and said she thought I knew that already. I hadn’t known at all that she was pregnant and I felt both stupid and naïve at the notion that she assumed that I had known. I was a little sideswiped by the fact that I hadn’t picked up on it before but I couldn‘t recall her or anybody else talking about the impending birth of her child . I always considered myself a pretty good indicator of what was going on around me and I was a bit surprised that I had known this beautiful girl for over a month and I just didn’t see it. I didn’t even realize that she had been seeing anyone and was surprised that she hadn’t mentioned it before. Of course at the same time, I think I was purposely avoiding any topic to do with dating and relationships because of my secret relationship with my fellow coworker. Why though, had I been so blind to what was going on in this girl’s life. I would see her several times a week and had no clue?
“I can’t believe I didn’t know that! Wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!” I asked, “Who’s the father?” desperately wanting to know this entire other side of her life that had been unseen to me for the past several weeks. All she could do was laugh again as she innocently looked over to my fellow coworker and said, “My fiancé is the father, it’s our second child silly!”
I followed her glance over to my coworker and saw his eyes turn away in complete retreat as I realized that the entire past six weeks of our relationship had been a complete lie. My coworker had been living a double life and he had manipulated me into being his dirty little secret. I wanted to vomit… I was so disgusted with the situation, all I wanted to do was vomit. I attempted my best smile and told the beautiful girl that I had to go and clock in, which I did. I worked an entire eight hour shift feeling completely numb and void of all emotions. I avoided the beautiful girl and the coworker and pretty much kept to myself. I left work that day feeling nothing.
When I got home I retreated to my bedroom and I started to cry. The tears just kept coming and I was unable to control my sobs. How could I have been so foolish? How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so naïve? These emotions were so overwhelming and I blacked out in my bedroom letting the darkness take control of my mind. My consciences was screaming out stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, and then the void of darkness. This could have been the end of this story if I would have chosen a different path, a more moral obligated path, but I had taken a bite out of the deceiving coworker’s apple and I longed to taste it again. If only I had known how much more complicated this situation was going to become.
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