THE DECEIVER’S APPLE: PART THREE

I found myself wandering the isles of the store hunting for newborn baby clothes. I had several items in my cart for the baby but I felt like I needed so much more. Perhaps it was the guilt that I was feeling that was propelling me to buy whatever the baby needed and I realized that I had way to much in my cart. I decided to put some of the things back because I was ashamed on how the situation had turned out with the beautiful girl and my coworker; and I especially didn’t want her to know the amount of guilt I was feeling. Several months had passed since the day the beautiful girl had arrived unexpectedly at my home and confronted me on my relationship with her fiancé. Every manipulation that the coworker had spun in both of our lives had finally come to light and both the beautiful girl and I were left standing, attempting to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives; neither one of us realizing how difficult it was going to be.
The coworker had apologized hundreds of times to me about the events that had taken place at my apartment and I slowly allowed him to chip away at the wall I had build between us after his lies were exposed. Illogical stupidity is a human trait that tends to plague my thought process in determining the type of people I choose to have a intimate relationship with. A perfect example of this is the fact that the coworker and I were seeing each other very frequently by this point but we stayed away from any title that would declare us companions or partners. I had decided to play things more casual with the coworker and not to put to much stock in anything he said or action he committed. We made it clear to each other that we would continue seeing each other with no strings attached and that it would no longer be a secret from anybody.
Summer had finally arrived and with Summer came the arrival of the beautiful girl and the coworker’s baby. The coworker had called me earlier in the day to let me know that the baby had arrived and I told him that I would meet him at the hospital later in the day for the official introduction. I forced my mermaid friend of mine to accompany me to the store to buy the baby some gifts. I felt like she would be a great ice breaker and barrier between the awkwardness that I would be experiencing with the coworker and beautiful girl’s families being packed into the hospital maternity ward. She would be my voice of logic and reason for she would never hesitate to force her opinion down my throat. We left the store with our gift bag in tow and headed to the hospital to meet the new baby. My mermaid friend put a time limit on how long we should be there right before we walked into the beautiful girl’s room.
The baby was both beautiful and magical. It had the best traits of both of his parents and I could tell by the reaction of the room that this baby was going to be very much loved my it’s mother. I felt a little envious of the beautiful girl and the pride that was her own on this very day. I thought about having my own children someday and what it would be like to devote so much love to another human being. We began to get lost in conversation about the baby when, true to form, my mermaid friend reminded me of our schedule and shortly after handing over the gifts we began to say our goodbyes. I gave my coworker a warm glance before leaving the family their due time alone.
The end of July found the coworker and I in bed together as we talked about the baby and our individual futures when he blurted out that he loved me. I turned and told him that I loved him too even though I didn’t feel it. It was an instant response that I didn’t mean to say and there was no way of taking it back. I constantly found myself beating the man in the mirror up for saying it so casually over the next couple of weeks and I began to fear that I was going to start making rash decisions that would result in us moving in with each other and beginning a future together. Why did I have to say those words when they meant nothing to me. I saw the coworker as a friend and valued him as such even with his past poor qualities and lack of humanity.
In August, I decided to take a vacation and I spent a week in New York City; dwelling in all of my favorite spots. The best city on earth is truly New York and I relish every part of the New York lifestyle. I spent my days in central park catching up on the latest Harry Potter novel and frequently visited the many sites around the city. One evening I was walking with a friend through the streets of Little Italy when I got a phone call from back home. It was from a concern friend who had seen my coworker parked in the restaurant parking lot having sex with another guy. I immediately called the coworker and engaged in a horrific fight. I think I started out on the lines of “You stupid, lying mother fucker! And you fucking supposedly say you love me! That‘s fucking bullshit!!” I ended up hanging up the phone before he even had a chance to explain and I quickly threw myself back into the lights of Little Italy trying to forget the coworker altogether.
Returning home and back to work, I found myself witnessing the coworker’s conniving and desperate attempt to win public opinion with our mutual friends. He insisted that I was being dramatic and had called and started a huge fight for nothing. He insisted that he was free to see anybody he wanted too because we were not a couple. (Officially, he would be correct in this.) He also insisted that there had been nothing serious going on between us for weeks and so forth and so forth. (Let’s just ignore the fact that he said he loved me two weeks before my trip… and yes I would seriously like to delete this from my memory) Granted, I had called him in a dramatic fashion from Little Italy and I resented the way I had acted on the phone shortly after I made the call. I don’t like being treated with disrespect and I always strive not be disrespectful to others. I had allowed myself to get caught up in his typical demeanor and I would never allow myself to do it again. It isn’t the type of person I am nor is it what I inspire to be. The coworker had a tendency to bring out the worst in me and I gave him one last victory when I called freaking out on him.
I didn’t worry about what he had to say about me in the weeks after my trip from New York because I felt that most of our friends knew that his statements were simply not making any sense. I had given the coworker an entire year and I wasn’t about to waste another year dealing with his ups and downs and our on again, off again relationship. I was prepared to move on without him and this time I would move forward and I would do this without any tears. He was fired from the restaurant a short time later after being accused of sexually harassing female employees even though from his perspective I supposed he quit to find better things. The last thing I heard about him was that he had relocated and had started a new life living with his boyfriend.
Was my coworker a bad person? Looking back all these years later, I don’t believe he was. He had a lot of problems and issues that he was dealing with and the added pressures of fatherhood and discovering the fact that your gay can be to much to bare sometimes. From my perspective, I think he strived to mean well but faltered on several occasions during our time together. We are all human however, and faltering is to be expected. I always say that I don’t regret anything in my life and I have stuck by that rule since I was a teenager. Yes, I clearly see now that there were decisions that could have been made on my part that would have prevented this entire fiasco but without stories like this one, I would not be the person I am today. I grew from this and I’m grateful of the time I spent with my coworker. Whatever he is doing today, I do wish him the best and I hope that our experience together taught him something as it taught me. That poisoned apple has long since decayed and I hope that the beautiful girl, the coworker, and myself have grown out of that decay with the guidance of our experience and the wisdom of our mistakes.